If only Prince Andrew was allowed to say what he really feels. Could this be what he would say?
First let me quote from that excellent magazine ‘Hello.
‘Princess Eugenie is the next member of the royal family to get married, and we can’t wait! The youngest daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson will be tying the knot with fiancé Jack Brooksbank on 12 October, and all key members of the royal family are expected to be in attendance to celebrate their special day. One thing that is on many people’s minds too, however, is whether or not Andrew and Sarah will sit together at the ceremony after Andrew walks his daughter down the aisle.’
Heady exciting stuff for you ordinary people I know. But at least you will have the pleasure of knowing you contributed to my daughter’s special day. Financially that is. In fact this is the reason for this article.
Some time ago I was forced to comment on the reluctance of some ordinary people’s to pay for my daughters (that’s both of them) requirements regarding luxury accommodation. This led to a totally unwarranted attack by that Trotsky Communist Left-Wing anti-Democratic group of plebs, Republic. See here. Anyway they were unsuccessful and I am pleased to report to all you ordinary people that Eugenie now lives in luxury in Kensington Palace to which she is entitled with generous contributions by you. You can read about this wonderful news here. Even now though some people are saying she should pay for her own accommodation despite the fact she is a hard working lass struggling like all youngsters to get by. I mean a personal piggy bank of just £3.6 million is, as Boris would say, chicken feed. I’m sure you will agree.
Perhaps I should explain what Kensington Palace is about. Basically it is the London residence of a few selected Royals. It gives them a nice place to live in central London where they can be assured their neighbours are of the right type. One of us, not one of you, if you see what I mean. However in keeping with our usual totally giving attitude to the public we do allow you to visit part of the site which has been set aside as a museum. We Royals, always giving, never taking. Sometimes I wonder if we are to generous to you and fools to ourselves. Such is our lot. I personally do not live there having a small pad in Windsor (see photograph below) or you can read about it here although it is just a small unimposing pad that I pay rent on. Currently it is set at a fair rent if over £1000 per month but I don’t mind contributing to the funds.
Anyway let me move on to Eugenie’s wedding that will take place this coming October. Believe it or not there are people saying that I, yes that’s right, I should pay for her wedding security, some £2 or maybe £4 million. Now as a Royal I spend a lot of my time keeping the British public happy by travelling around the world, attending dinners, living in large houses and paying over £1000 per month remember ETC. It beggars belief that in spite of all this hard work I put in for these people they expect me to raid my personal piggy bank, which by the way is only around the odd £70 million, to pay for my own daughter’s wedding. My daughter has agreed that the wedding will last a whole two days just so you people can get more enjoyment out of it. The celebrations which start on Friday 12 October, will spread out over two days, with this extending to a post-wedding lunch hosted by Eugenie’s grandmother, the Queen, my mum, on the evening of the ceremony. This will be held at Royal Lodge in Windsor, my home and you will be supplied with many photographs to enjoy.
The following day, guests – who will include David and Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell, as well as the royal family – will be treated to an afternoon’s party, organised by A-list party planning firm Bentleys Entertainment. The source said that there will be everything from dodgems to funfair rides, as well as plenty of cocktails. And once again you will be able to join in the fun with the supplied photographs. Plus of course the good old BBC will have lots of film for you to enjoy.
Despite our efforts to bring happiness into your lives with our willingness to share this happy event and involve all of you I read recently that some damn left-wing MP belonging to that enemy of the people party, the Labour Party even had the audacity to say to some newspaper that I should pay all the costs. I know it’s unbelievable and I can hear you gasping from here. Please read it here.
Now some people complain that my daughter receives all these little perks but does nothing with regards to Royal Duties. Well can I just say would you be willing for your children to attend dinners with people you may not like, go around opening places like shopping centres and sport complexes that we will never use, mixing with people that have not made any effort in life and rely on charities that your children would have to support? Of course not.
So in conclusion can I once again thank all of you who so generously and willingly give to my family allowing us to live in the life style we are entitled to. And may I say to those few people that begrudge us a little bit of luxury that you need to cease with your politics of envy. Thank you.